Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
