Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
