My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
