dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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