at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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