Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
