when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
