i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
