I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
