As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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