You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
