i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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