Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
