youre lurking in front of me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
