I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
