I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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