She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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