What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
