I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
