I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
