We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come share oat with me in your robe
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
