Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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