On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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