Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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