I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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