sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
