It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
