Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
