Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
