i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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