woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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