I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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