Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
