He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She needs sedatives and a leash
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
