Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
