Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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