feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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