just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
