Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
