i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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