dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
