I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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