My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish life had little blips of pornography
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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