She's the barista slut.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
