i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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