hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
