"it" just moved
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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