You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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