Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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