U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
