My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish you could order shots online.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
