Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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