She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
