I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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